Being there.

Basin of water. Several towels. One feverish, fussing baby.

I've lost count of the number of times I've gone through this scenario in just this afternoon alone...of wringing wet towels and sponging my little niece, desperately working with my sister-in-law to bring down her high fever, talking to her in as soothing a voice I can muster while fighting the fear and frustration inside of not being able to do anything more to help her.


It is stressful, it is exhausting.

The fever has been fluctuating between 38-39 degrees Celsius, and because it shoots up with no warning at all, we have to constantly monitor her. She's actually been a really good gal already, with much less fussiness than I would have expected from a sick baby. She still has the moments where she would chuckle, and smile, and play with her toys. And I'm really grateful for that, since her staying active will help to keep the fever at bay to a certain extent. As are the medicines which the pediatrician gave. He says it's a viral infection, which means this ordeal may last another day or two before she finally gets over it.

This whole day has been draining on both Amber and I, though.

Since the time that I went over to her house this morning to help with Avril till now, we've sponged her - well, I kinda lost track after the fifth time. Hearing her cry while we sponged her are the most heart-wrending moments for the two of us, and we were both close to tears ourselves even while we wrung the towels and applied them to her neck and arms, trying to distract her with some form of amusement.

I need to be strong for Amber's sake, because Amber the Mummy is even more worried and anxious than Em the Aunt, and I don't want to give her additional stress by sounding frantic or alarmed, even if I AM feeling that way.

But it is Hard, so very hard.

I don't want to be strong. I don’t want to be the pillar. I want to be the one leaning against it. I just want to be able to sit down and have a good cry till my heart feels lighter. I want to be held tight, to have someone whisper reassuringly that "It's gonna be fine," to have my fears and anxiety soothed. I want the fever to go away, to leave my darling little niece alone. To give Amber the much needed rest she needs. To relieve my worry and frustration.

But we can't always have our way, can we?

Cause this is Life.

And Life means getting up, and going to get another basin and another 5 towels, even when my exhausted spirit rebels.

It means soothing the little one's cries even while it rends my heart to hear it.

It means reaching over to give my sis-in-law a hug, when she is feeling overwhelmed with distress and worry.

It means being strong, even when the going gets tough.

And knowing that by going through, I'll emerge the stronger for it.

**She has zero appetite tonight.**