Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Just a Little Human

There are some days;

When I feel like there is 
no challenge too great, 
no mountain too high, 
no road too bumpy, 
no target too unachievable,
that I cannot handle it. 

I feel invincible.

Then there are some days;

When I feel like there are
too many hours in a day, 
tired of being strong, 
drained of energy by evil flu bugs,
exhausted from self-inflicted pressure, 
wishing for a cave to hide inside 
till I find my strength again. 

I feel human

And my heart whispers,
"I can do it
I'll get through it


But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down.."
(Human by Christina Perri)

We make mistakes.
We get hurt. 
We fall down.
We get discouraged.
We are afraid.


And I think that's normal, that's Life. 

It's alright to feel vulnerable sometimes.  
It's alright to feel like we don't have it ALL together all the time.  
It's alright to feel.

This Christmas Season makes the thought all the more poignant,
as on this symbolic day,  
Christians are commemorating the birth of Christ - as a little human.
Just. like. us.

While we celebrate this Day with loved ones and gift exchanges,  
the encouragement I glean comes not from the Gospel books, 

but from one of my favorite verses in Hebrews (4:15-16).

Tired? Frustrated? Sad? Lonely? Disappointed? 
He knows.
And more importantly, He understands
   
And with my head up, 
I find the courage to face another day, as
just a little human.


 

**Wishing all my dear friends a beautiful Christmas and Happy New Year!**

Saturday, September 14, 2013

An Eye-Opening Experience - Epi-Lazik



         21 August, 2013 – That is the fateful day I literally experienced Newton’s "T'was blind but now I see" phenomenon.  

          In other words, I finally got around to doing my EPI-LASIK operation!  And speaking as someone who has suffered from terrible myopia all my life - stumbling around till I got my spectacles before the age of 7 - believe me when I say that this operation has been the best gift I have ever given myself.


         For the benefit of my friends who have shown care, concern, and curiosity regarding the process of getting my eyes “fixed”, here is a recount of my experience.  I hope these insights will be helpful for your own decision-making!



From the first time I heard about lasik more than five years ago, I knew I would definitely be doing it, SOMEDAY.   It was only a matter of When, Where, and How Much. 


I was recommended Clearvision Eye Clinic &LASIK Surgery Centre in Singapore by my brother, who had done his own successful lasik operation a few years back and knows the doctor personally. 
  Clearvision Building
 Although I considered the option of driving in to Malaysia for my lasik operation due to price (the figures are definitely way more attractive when converted to Malaysian Ringget!), I eventually decided that I would rather spend the necessary few dollars more for a reputable LASIK specialist in Singapore with a long-standing success record.


The first step was to check out their website and make an enquiry call.  The girl on the phone was very patient and professional in explaining to me the things to take note in advance:
   -  Atleast 10 days in advance of the examination review, I cannot wear my hard contact lenses.
  -   Atleast 2 days in advance of the examination review - if I intend to do the surgery the day immediately after the review - I cannot wear soft contact lenses. 
    -   If working, I would be given 2 days of Medical Certificate to rest.

  -   It is advisable not to drive for 5 days after the operation as vision may be blurry during the healing period.

  -    It is OK to jog as long as the sweat does not get into the eyes.

  -    It is OK to fly on an airplane after 1 week from the operation date.

    -    It is OK to participate in Surface Water sports (e.g., swimming, wakeboarding) after 2 weeks from the operation date.  
  -   It is OK to dive after a month from the operation date.

 -   I can choose to do a LASIK or EPI-LASIK procedure.

 -   It is possible to do a 12 months with 0% interest payment scheme with certain credit cards. 


Armed with this information, I watched and waited for an opening in my calendar.  The minute my schedule opened up with a few available days, I snatched up the phone and placed an appointment for the examination review, followed by a tentative date and time for the surgery the next day (provided my eyes were approved for surgery by the examination).


When I reached Clear Vision clinic for my examination appointment at 2PM on 20 August, the friendly staff took me through a series of 9 or 10 different eye tests.  As I peered into their various eye machine contraptions, they took pictures of my cornea, measured the shape and size, checked my eye degree, tested eye pressure with little puffs of air blown into the eye, tested my muscle control skills by asking me not to blink while they shone various lights into my eyes, and patiently answered all my inquisitive questions about what exactly the machines were doing.

After they were done, one of the staff sat me down on a comfortable sofa and went through a clear and efficient slide presentation on the difference between LASIK and EPI-Lasik procedures, what to expect during the operation, and a brief introduction about the surgeon, Dr. Tony Ho.  The following video was also very informative on why EPI-Lasik is the recommended way to go, especially for someone with dry eyes, thin corneas, and - high myopia *raise hand*.


When the staff had done the preliminary checks, they sent me over to Dr. Ho’s private clinic in Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre, just 3 minutes walk from the Clearvision Eye Clinic.  After 2-3 more eye tests at this other clinic, Dr. Ho called me into his room and told me that based on the examination results, he was confident he would be able to carry out a successful EPI-Lasik procedure for me.  However, he cautioned me as a note that due to my degree being very high (900 degrees per eye), the lasik would have to burn deeper into the cornea.  Thus, should I wish to go for any corrective surgery in future after the initial Epi-Lasik, I would need to go through all the checks again.   But hey, the important thing is that I CAN do the op, right?  So I danced out of the doctor’s office happily.  Figuratively, of course. 

The next day, Sis and I were up and ready for my first surgery ever.  Yes, I was a little nervous. And very psyched.  After all, it was my LAST day of wearing spectacles!
 When I reached the clinic, the staff got me to sign the necessary documents, explained the various medicated eye drops I would need to apply after the operation, and then decked me out in the operating room garb.
 Next was the application of the numbing eye drops.  I was pleasantly surprised and extremely relieved that no anesthetic injections were needed!  (If you hate needles as much as I do, you will understand how I felt.)
 Finally, the eye cover went on and I was ready!
 They asked me to sit in a chair right outside the operating room and practice staring straight at a little blinking red light a few feet away.  I could hear the sizzle of the laser as the guy before me did his operation.  It freaked me out a little.  



Then the sliding door opened, and the guy exited the operating theatre, looking - normal.   Hey, if he can survive the ordeal, then so can I, right?  I took a deep breath, turned to Sis and said, “Here we go!” and stepped into the room.  


Dr. Ho was seated at the head of the operating bed, and welcomed me in.  The operating assistant instructed me to lie down and Dr. Ho held my head in place, explaining his actions calmly and soothingly.
 He positioned the lasik machine over my eye and I stared up at the monster looming over me. feeling very much like the one-eyed Cyclops.  It was a simple-looking machine.  There were two lasik lights staring dully back at me – one red and one yellow-green.  The doctor told me to stare at the red light.  



“Don’t worry,” he reassured, like as if he could read my thoughts.  “You won’t feel any pain.”


He proceeded to clean my eye and placed a round circular object in my eye to keep my eyelids from closing.  A blunt scapula appeared in my vision and gently scraped away the top layer of my eye.  It was a weird sensation, since I could feel the scraping but felt no pain.  


Then he told me to keep looking at the red light…. And the green laser started its job.  It was a five-step process.  I concentrated on only two things – staring at the red light and breathing slowly and evenly.  My subconscious noted the sizzling sound once again, and Dr. Ho’s voice stating, “Stage one… stage two…”  My vision began to blur.  It looked or felt like a speckled lights display taking place on a clear glass right in front of my eye.  


“Stage five.”  The green laser stopped.  The actual process per eye was not more than two minutes! Dr. Ho pushed away the monster above me, gently scraped back the top layer of eye film with his scapula, and deposited the temporary soft lens over my cornea for protection.  


Perhaps the only part I found disconcerting was when they slowly emptied a syringe of liquid into my eye to wash it out.   Blame it on my claustrophobic issues perhaps, but for those few short moments, I had to fight the momentary feeling of panic. 


Other than that, it was fine.  And PAINLESS. 


Within the next five minutes, my other eye was done, and I could get up from the bed and pose for a picture with Dr. Ho!
 

My vision was immediately clear, though not sharp.  I could see with about 90% clarity, as they predicted for the first day, and the staff led me to a room to sit and recuperate.  My eyelids were so heavy, and I just felt like sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.  So after an hour, I put on the 100% UV-blocking sunglasses they provided, flagged a cab home, and went straight to bed. 

The staff preempted discomfort and pain after the anesthesia wears off but said it was subjective to each person.  When I woke up three hours later to put my eye drops, I still felt fine and could see fine, too.  My eyes were a little dry, but they were not painful. 

And truth is, I have felt no pain up till this day, for which I am very thankful!  

The recovery process was as predicted, with the next two days having blurred vision, around70-80% clarity.  I was sleeping most of the time though, so it was not too much of a bother.  On the second day, I went back for a Check Up to ensure everything was recovering well without any infection.  I started driving by the third day as the vision improved, howbeit facing slight discomfort whenever the bright sunlight glinted off the cars in front of me, despite my shades.  One week later, I went back for the second check up and removed the temporary contact lenses.  A few days later, I flew to China. 

Although my vision still occasionally blurs for a short while now and then, which is expected as part of the recovery process for the month or so after the surgery, I am extremely happy with my newfound eyesight. 
Goodbye to the banes of fuzzy vision and heavy reliance on contact lenses and prescription glasses... Hello, perfect eyesight! 

  
For those of you who are interested in doing lasik for yourself, I highly recommend Clearvision Eye Clinic as the place to go.  I experienced professional and attentive customer service, and felt safe and in good hands the entire way.  The price for EPI-Lasik for 2 eyes is SGD $3,388.  You can call them at 67333316 or visit their website at http://www.clearvision.com.sg/ for more details.
 

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Kiss the Rain.

The past few days, the beautiful haunting melody of Yiruma's "Kiss the Rain" has been on repeat play in my playlist.  Somehow there is a balmy peacefulness that it has brought to my tired soul. 

Now, it seems strangely fitting a title, in light of the fact that I have just spent the last two hours jog-walking in the gentle drizzle that accompanied the sunset. 

And this walk too has been a peaceful oasis after the past few days and weeks of hectic work, of letting go and saying goodbye, of internal wars, of changes and new things.

For the first time in more than 5 years,
I walked Slowly.  Leisurely.  Unhurriedly. 
Listening to the soft pitter-patter of the raindrops on the grass.  
Feeling the cool breeze and raindrops kiss my cheeks. 
Drinking in the beautiful ever-changing cloud painting above me. 
Trailing my hand lightly over the rough bark of the trees which lined the sidewalk.
Not keeping track of time and not caring about getting drenched.
  
And slowly but surely, the thunderstorms that raged in my head and heart when I left the house calmed to match the gentle raindrops which accompanied me on my walk.  
 
It was a luxury that I have not known much of since workaholic me entered the fast-paced work environment years back, where time is money and walking slowly is not an option. But now as I take a month's break off from work in the midst of a career change, it has been a refreshing different pace of life. A pace which is giving me opportunity and time to slow down, rejuvenate, and recharge - mentally and emotionally. 

Yes, I know this peaceful break will not last forever.  Work will start again soon and Life will once more be the crazy whirlwind of activities. 

But for now while the Pause button is activated, I am taking the moments to appreciate the refreshing raindrops and occasional teardrops that fall, just as much as I appreciate the sun that shines on the good days.


Did I reach home drenched?  Yes.
Do I regret it?  Of course not. 

...Not while I am finding such beautiful solace in the rain.  :)


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I don't stop when I'm tired.

Each March, I think it's the craziest and the toughest I've ever experienced in my five years in Fuji Xerox.

And maybe I'm not wrong

What with the crazy targets and tough customers and work clashing with my hectic school schedule and deadlines and running on 3 hours of sleep a night for a week at a time, I sometimes feel like throwing my hands up in the air and giving up. 
Or sitting down to bawl my eyes and heart out.  
Or lying down and not doing ANYTHING, at all. 

But after the initial friendly sparring which has culminated into a grand 5-round MMA battle between my tired and pessimistic realist and the eternal positivist of a subconscious inside of me, full of hard punches and kicks and narrow escapes from triangle chokes... 

The fighter spirit of my subconscious is winning.  

And with just one last freaking day to the end of March work-wise, I have 19 short more hours to make that final sprint to the finishing line.  

The hand of the clock is moving too fast, even while I think it is moving too slowly.

And I've realized one thing - When there's nothing to lose, you just give everything you've got.

I'm not gonna stop fighting till it's over. 

And it's not over till I say it's over.