To be frank, I’m always a little afraid when I attempt to write another post after a long {month} (or two)’s break.
It is not from lack of things to say, but rather the almost overwhelming swirl of thoughts and emotions that flow through me when I pause to reflect on what has happened since I last posted. I don’t know whether to bundle everything into a neat little summarized package and hand it to you, or to spread it out over shorter separate posts, compartmentalizing the various emotions.
How do you summarize experiences into words without losing the raw or subtler emotions that made those very experiences unique and special?
Perhaps a mixture of both would be good. (Or more likely, all that I can afford for tonight when I'm supposed to be mugging for exams. But writing is a stress-reliever, so it should be a good thing, right? Or so they say... )
Tonight, there will be no poetry, only prose.
Do you know the uncertainty that accompanies a new challenge, the small moments of self-doubt when you are not sure whether you can actually achieve what is being set out for you to accomplish?
I experienced that ten weeks ago.
Do you know the crazy strength of emotions that can influence the making of decisions?
I experienced that nine weeks ago.
Do you know the warmth that infuses the soul when little deeds of kindness and love are shared among family and colleagues and friends? A small card here, a hug there, a breakfast in the morning, sweets and stars and Brands essence to cheer your day…
I experienced that eight weeks ago.
Do you know the exhaustion that hangs on the shoulders like a heavy bag after a long day at work, and then wraps around you like a python as you sit down in the night to rush a school project?
I experienced that seven weeks ago.
Do you know the slight giddiness, the adrenaline rush that whips through you when you realize that you have broken your personal record, when it dawns on you that NOTHING is impossible whenever you put your heart to it?
I experienced that six weeks ago.
Do you know the pride that bursts from your heart as you watch your little brother - no longer little - march across the floating platform to his POP, and throw his cap up in the air in jubilation?
I experienced that five weeks ago.
Do you know the euphoria that rides on blowing wide open a myth, that it IS possible to close 3 orders in a single week of April?
I experienced that four weeks ago.
Do you know the fun of trying new experiences, of setting mini milestones? Of trying traditional muay thai, or sitting on a motorbike, or catching a 25-kg fish on your own, for the first time?
I experienced that three weeks ago.
Do you know the frustration and hurt that sears you like a hot iron when faced with miscommunication and misunderstanding?
I experienced that two weeks ago.
Do you know that momentary feeling of wild panic that grips your heart when you suddenly find yourself thrown into a situation where you are no longer in control?
I experienced that last week.
Do you know the tingling excitement that comes from voting for the very first time, and the subsequent impatience and checking of twitter every other minute awaiting the election results?
I experienced that this weekend.
Do you know the pain that wrings your heart to see your beloved niece crying and utterly miserable from sickness?
I experienced that today.
Do you know the threat of being overwhelmed, when the thoughts in your head are like a washing machine, with words like appointments, studying, sister, exams, delivery dates, brothers, nieces, flowers, and exercise are jumbled up together along with a zillion other things, till momentarily you don’t know where to begin?
I’m experiencing that now.
It has been full days, ups and downs, with their little joys and little tears and then some….
And though tonight I may feel weary, and exhausted, and tired of being strong, it’s OK.
Because tomorrow will be a new day, with batteries recharged, and I will be ready to face the world again. :)
PS. Pictures next time!
**She could do with a hug right now**
