Forecasted with Grace

January jump-started in third gear.

As it turns out, all my hopes of having a more relaxed work schedule flew out the window within the first 3 days of 2011.... together with my hopes of not having to do any performances after our BOP Christmas party win! Apparently, the bosses think we have enough time and energy to spare after a full exhausting day of work and decided to pinpoint my group in front of the entire sales force to perform at the Company dinner in front of more than 600 pairs of eyes, in a week's time.

Which leaves my team of 11 young people with exactly 7 days to learn two whole sets of dances moves and choreograph the third set!

In the meantime, work targets remain and the fight for more orders continue...

Oh, and as a passing mention, the much-dreaded word "REVIEW" popped up this last week. I will not stress on the details, but all of us sales people know what that means.

And school starts in 3 days. Ya know, those night lectures that'll take place twice a week? And I haven't even had a chance to see my time table or tidy my desk or look through my books yet. I'm excited and scared and thinking, "Oh my God, I'm so not ready for this!" all at the same time.

And then, just when I thought that the stress and pressures of work and school and everything else in between would engulf me, another unexpected bomb dropped on my desk - Janet, one of my closest colleagues and team mates, announced that she had submitted her resignation and left the company, all within the same week. Just last week, to be exact. And so, early into the year, I had to go through one of the things I hate the most - Saying Goodbye. The thought that sliced through my mind? "Well, I didn't see that one coming..."

Somehow I feel that these first few weeks of 2011 are just a forecast of what is to come... It is going to be a Year of new Challenges, bigger Stresses, of questioning whether I will actually be able to succeed in what I am putting myself to, of staring up bigger mountains and needing to find the will somewhere inside me to take the first step up.

Truth is...I'm scared.

I feel so small, so inadequate.

A "perfectionist", I am afraid of the mistakes I will have to make.
A realist, I know there will be more goodbyes that I will have to make by the way, to the people that come and go in my life.
There are so many things I do not know, so many questions I do not have answers to or am scared to know the answers to.
I am nervous about taking on so many things onto my plate at the same time, worried that I might be stretching myself too thinly till I am unable to excel in the areas that I want to.
I see ahead of me goals and targets...targets set not only by myself for myself, but by others for me. And the heights of some are daunting - so daunting that realistically speaking, I might not be able to meet.
I am scared that the days ahead will be so busy, so hectic, that they pass in a blur and I miss out and forget to appreciate the little things in life.
The core values which I cling to, my principles, the things I live for... they will be challenged over and again by those around me.
There will be days that I will be discouraged, disheartened, that I will break down and cry.

I am afraid I won't be positive enough, strong enough, brave enough.

Stressed. Tired. Overwhelmed.

And then I read the words of dear girls laying bare their own daily struggles, honestly acknowledging their weaknesses, humbly sharing their lessons learnt.

And my weary heart is encouraged. And finding courage to carry on.

"He giveth more grace," I was promised.

I don't need to focus on the huge mountains ahead of me, I just need to take it one step at a time. I don't have guarantees that I'll succeed in everything I set out to do. In fact, the path ahead will neither be smooth-sailing nor a bed of roses. But I also know that His grace will be sufficient for me, as and when I need it.

And that, for me, is enough.



**She loves her new blue dress**