The Metamorphosis

I feel like a butterfly in metamorphosis.

In the past 100 days, there has been silence here on my blog, my little space. The silence did not stem from a lack of things to post. On the contrary, it has been eventful and busy days, overflowing with many special and incredible moments, and containing powerful lessons which have shaped my way of thinking and molded me into a stronger and better individual.

Which explains my identification with that little fella in his cocoon.

I believe that, unseen by the naked eye, there are changes taking place inside each person every single day catalyzed by the little daily choices and experiences that person faces. And these gradual changes are a process. A process of character building which never ends, but which results one will only be able to see as the time passes.

So this post is for me to put into words the life lessons which impacted me from the experiences I faced over the past three month, life lessons encapsulated in Kipling’s poem “If.”

During my advanced nitrox & deep dive course over one of the weekends, there was a particular dive when I was diving with three tanks for the first time. Being a technical dive, there were many things to take note of and remember. On top of that, there was this cumbersome load of three heavy tanks and a huge BCD on my back. And to top it off, the visibility from the fine silty sand was terrible, to say the least. Struggling to maintain a neutral buoyancy while keeping up with the other divers who had much longer and more powerful legs (they were guys, after all) was both tiring and rather discouraging.

Then even as my head told me to give in to the stress and just abort the dive, a familiar phrase from my favorite poem whispered, “If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you…”

I eventually surfaced, but only after completing the entire dive. More than that, the experience brought my confidence to a new level and taught me an important lesson. I realized that the power of believing in yourself can push you past limits and set new boundaries for yourself, whether in work, school, or play.

My last two months of work were exciting, fiery and incredible weeks. It was exciting because there were big challenges to overcome; it was fiery because I underwent pain, tears, and crazy pressure; and it was incredible because I achieved the goals I had set out to meet. I lost a big deal and won two others, and understood for myself what Kipling meant when he said, “If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same.”

It did not help that my second semester exams were held in the week right before November FXS Product Show, our second largest product show of the year. Long days dragged into even longer nights, as reaching home late from work meant that mugging time would eat into sleeping time. And this tired brain would repeat the line to this exhausted self, “And so hold on when there is nothing in you except the Will which says to them: "Hold on…"

A few days ago, the school results were announced online. And upon checking, I found that my hard work had paid off. :)

This December month, the pace did not slow down as I had hoped. Instead, my calendar was completely filled before the second week of December had even passed. On top of work stress, there were a lot of events and activities which needed time-consuming coordination and detailed planning. You know that frustrating moment when EVERYTHING is demanding for your full attention RIGHT NOW till you don’t even know where to start? I sat at my desk during one of those moments, and looked up to see these words staring back at me: “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you;” Taking a deep breath, I dove back into the tsunami of work again.

To sum up, 2011 has been a mountain range.

There has been many mountains to climb, and many lessons to learn. It has been a year that pushed the limits in every way - mentally, emotionally, and physically. It has not been easy, but the knowledge of the metamorphosis taking place, of each challenge training us for even bigger and greater challenges in the future, has made it worth it.

To every person who has made a difference in my life - my family who supported me through each step of the way, my loved ones who encouraged me and believed in me even when I was losing faith in myself, my bosses who exemplified true leadership, my dear friends who were kind and loving and patient....Thank You.

In a few days time, it will be 2012.

I do not know what the new year will bring, but I am confident that God has a special plan for me, and I am excited. :)

**Forgive her for any ramblings, it IS 4AM... One last day of packing and she will be off to Taiwan!**